“I’m Not Judging, BUT . . .” — The Coward’s Disclaimer

Let’s talk about a phrase I hear all the time:

“I’m not judging, but . . .”

It’s the modern-day muzzle.

A weak disclaimer.

A spiritual bypass.

A socially approved way to speak while pretending you’re not actually speaking from your truth.

We’ve become so afraid of our own voices that we wrap them in sugar and spiritual fluff so nobody gets offended.

What a joke.

Here’s the raw truth:

You are allowed to have a voice.

You are allowed to have a preference, an opinion, a reaction, a type, a taste, a boundary.

You’re allowed to want something—and not want something else.

That doesn’t make you cruel.

That makes you human.

But society has programmed us to fear expression—

unless it’s curated, sterilized, and hashtag-approved.

We’ve been trained to believe that any expression of difference is violence,

that stating what you like automatically means you’re hating what you don’t.

No. That’s not truth. That’s manipulation.

Let’s get even more uncomfortable . . .

Remember those masks?

I do.

And not just the ones on our faces.

I’m talking about the emotional masks we’re still wearing—

long after the mandates disappeared.

The government may have told us to cover our mouths during COVID, but many of you are still doing it voluntarily.

Afraid to say you’re turned off by something.

Afraid to say “this doesn’t resonate.”

Afraid to say “no, thanks.”

So what happens?

You swallow it. Over and over.

You choke down your truth until it metastasizes into:

• passive aggression

• online rage

• virtue signaling

• fake spiritual compassion

• gossip masked as concern

  
  

You rage in private at the people you’re supposed to love.

You attack online what you’re too afraid to confront in person.

You “like” what you don’t agree with—just to keep the peace.

That isn’t kindness.

That’s repression.

Real kindness can only exist where real honesty is welcome . . .

We don’t need a world where people stop judging.

We need a world where people stop lying—

to themselves and to each other.

Judging isn’t the problem.

Judging is discernment.

It’s how we decide who and what is right for us.

The problem is:

• cruelty

• projection

• silence when truth wants to move through us

Let’s be real.

People are exploding not because they’re “judgy”

but because they’ve been silenced.

Silenced by guilt.

Silenced by fear of being labeled problematic, toxic, or not spiritual enough.

But this spiritual politeness?

It’s killing authenticity.

So here’s your permission slip:

Speak your truth.

Have an opinion.

Be seen.

Be disliked.

Let people misunderstand you.

Let people talk.

Let people leave.

Because if your voice isn’t allowed to be real, raw, and even rough around the edges sometimes, it will come out sideways—

and that’s when people really get hurt.

We don’t need more censorship in the name of kindness.

We need brave souls who love enough to speak—

even when their voice shakes.

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In courage and clarity,

Karen Di Gloria⚡️

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